LOVE IS PATIENT

 

In August 2020, my mother fell on my kitchen floor and broke her hip.  As I am writing this post and reflecting on the moment that I saw her on the floor, I realize did not hear her fall.  I heard her moaning and entered the kitchen to make sure she was alright.  She had fallen, but insisted she was fine.  Needless to say, I’m grateful my husband drove her to the hospital because her hip was broken.  My mother had surgery to repair her hip the following day.  

She has had a fear of falling since August.  Because of the fear, physical therapy has not gone very well.  As a dialysis patient, she goes for dialysis three times per week. Because she needs dialysis three times per week, she has physical therapy twice per week (on non-dialysis days).  My mother does very little with the physical therapy exercises.  Because of her fear of falling and her inactivity with physical therapy, my mother has not walked since November 2020.  The care I give my mother has required more physical exertion than when she first moved in with my husband and I in October 2019.   Needless to say, physical therapy sessions ended last week.

I mentioned in the previous paragraph that my mother is a dialysis patient.  With dialysis, comes tiredness and mental confusion.  These are the primary reasons why physical therapy was not an option on dialysis days.  But, these days I am noticing more confusion and repetitive questions on a regular basis not just on dialysis days.  Her memory issues, immobility, and her increase need for physical support are reasons my patience runs short at times.  While I am typing this blog post, she is calling been calling me constantly.  She has nothing to say when I answer.  Nights like these are trying times!

To restore my usually pleasant and jovial demeanor, I do a few things:

• Ensure my mother is safe and everything she needs for an hour is nearby and within reach

• Spend some alone time in my bedroom behind closed doors

• Journal my feelings

• Read the biblical scriptures

• Soak in a hot bath with epsom salt with soft tunes in my ear (such as…

"Mama, Mama you know I love you

(You know I love you, you know I love you)

Mama, Mama you're the queen of my heart, (You are)

Your love is like tears from the stars

(Your love is like tears from the stars)

Mama I just want you to know (Mama I just want you to know)

Lovin' you is like food to my soul"

Lyrics from A Song for Mama written by Kenneth Edmonds and performed by Boyz II Men)

Scriptures like 1 Corinthians 13: 4 – 7 remind me of my purpose and give me permission to have the range of emotions I will feel as a caregiver.  “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”